girls on tanks hentai game title screen

Written by Otaku Apologist

Girls on Tanks is a war strategy game, closely resembling Nintendo’s Advance Wars franchise for Gameboy Advance. Made by AGN. Playable in your internet browser, it’s one of the first browser game releases on Nutaku with actual engaging gampeplay, making my promotion of this shit less dependent on memes. I’ve been playing Girls on Tanks since its launch in June 2017.

Before you ask, no, there is no satisfying sexist ableist misogynist race-mixing anime sex in this asexual game. It’s fucking Advance Wars – literally.

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GAMEPLAY

Girls on Tanks features turn-based combat on an overhead map. Excitingly, many maps feature multiple armies clashing in all-out war!!

Just pick a map, and play. The game simulates the thrill of war, without tragic human devastation. Each side can move their every unit, before passing the turn. Each unit type is more, or less effective against another type of unit; anti-air can instantly kill helicopters, but they’ll barely scratch a heavy tank. Motorbikes devastate infantry, they do okay against light tanks, but helicopters they can’t touch. Every unit can move a varying number squares, and are differently affected by terrain. The units are depicted as different, and not all tanks are equal. This game is blatantly, unapologetically racist.

Tanks are unable to pass through mountains, and move fewer squares when moving in forests, while helicopters can move the maximum number of squares when passing through forests and mountains. RACISM!! When a unit comes in proximity of another unit, they can attack. RACISM!! The attacked unit will fire back. NIGGA MOMENT!!

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You choose one bitch commander after riding her spectacular resume. You also get three juicy side bitches! Each fuckable bitch provides massive motivation bonuses to your all-male army, and a super special privilege power.

In Advance Wars your commander had a power bar that filled when units dealt damage. When the bar was maxed, you could activate their power. You could only cast the special power of your commander, but in this game, you also cast the special powers of the officers! You can use their powers to tactically gut the enemy army of important units, and roll them over – if you’re skilled, you can steamroll many levels in the beginning, with just the perfect opening. This war is like a driveby shooting.

This part I loved, because you can build a different opening, and long-term strategy, based on the officers you pick. You get credits from beating levels, which you spend to level up your bitches. Your sluts swing the power of individual units so much, your game plan is very different depending on your harem composition. You can stack bonuses for infantry, and make your normal foot soldiers wreck heavy tanks. You can stack boosts for the stats of your tanks, bazookas, your copters, by choosing the officers.

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GRAPHICS

The fuckable little slut sprites are high-definition 2D anime art, exclusively depicting young hyper sexualized big-breasted cum dumpsters. This is supposed to be an adult game after all, which it isn’t. The sex scenes are few, they suck. The units, and maps are fine pixel art, slightly more detailed than the 16-bit era Nintendo SNES games. Each unit and tileset looks neat and recognizable, albeit cartoonish. I was happy to see that the infantry, and the motor bike drivers, don’t look completely retarded. The units are not sitting deathly still either; they’ll jitter when idle, like jamming to the music. It’s very fucking cute.

The colors are bright, and very anime. You will notice this cartoonish cookie-cutter color scheme used everywhere. Few pieces of anime-style media have dark, gritty realistic color schemes. As you can see from the unnatural-looking hair on some of the officers, this game oozes the anime vibe.

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The game is brilliantly simple to play. You click the units, and choose a square where they move. Click an enemy unit to initiate attack – rinse and repeat. You can play this game with just a touchpad, or mouse!

The attacker has the advantage, because their attack weakens the enemy’s numbers, and consequent counter-attack. But when you’re outnumbered, you have to use defensive positions. A player can place their units in areas with higher defense bonuses, such as cities, for stronger counter attacks. Plains and forests offer decent defense bonuses, while roads offer none. The best areas to defend are cities, because of the high crime rate, and because your battallion will forcefully recruit gangsters from the oppressed population, recovering two health points per turn. You can also place a unit to block narrow bridges. You can place units next to each other, to block enemy access to your artillery. You produce new units in factories, and air ports, adding up to the choices you’re constantly making, that hopefully further your chances of victory. Missions are won with smart tactics, often against overwhelming enemy numbers. But if you’re bad, you can suck a cock, and swing your sugar daddy’s credit card.

The game has a shady microtransaction system, that lets you cheat, for a price. See these boosters? They cost crystals. Go suck that cock, whore.

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The artificial intelligence (A.I.) is like an inbred low IQ muslim suicide bomber. The enemy often has superior numbers to compensate their stupidity, and they’ll arrogantly attack into choke points, they’ll suicide infantry against tanks, bombers against anti-air, because who gives a fuck? In many maps, you feel like you’re commanding 300 Spartans against a slave army of retards. But for younger players, who didn’t play thousands of hours of Advance Wars on their Gameboy, this shit can certainly pose a challenge. Just don’t get arrogant about your skill when you’re winning – you’re a homosexual nerdfag shitter with chronic anxiety, no self-esteem, and a bloated ego that your libtard mother helped cultivate with her incessant pet talks about your snowflake genetics. You are not special. Fuck you.

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HENTAI

The sex scenes suck. They’re low budget misogynist trope-tastic male-pandering patriarchal lame sauce. The art is okay, though very simply colored. They animated the sex into smooth little loops, but forgot the best part: the creampie. The scenes that I skipped, didn’t seem to have one… I think. Maybe I shouldn’t have pressed “skip”, I could comment more confidently. Fuck.

The audio of the girls moaning, has a notable mechanical echo – shit’s not sexy. The text is the usual brainless amateur describing of penetration of whatever hole is getting fucked, while the girl spouts dumb autistic bullshit. As I insinuated, I personally just skip the scenes, which can be done by pressing the “X” in the upper right corner. So far I’ve only fucked a couple of the commanders – fine pieces of ass, but I consider their sprites more fapworthy. I am not racist.

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MUSIC

Girls on Tanks has several musical tracks. They capture the militaristic tone of the game, and pump plenty of energy into the experience. The menu music, its sluggish, mechanical beat, keeps the hype up when you’re just picking the map, or setting up your officer composition. The battle music during missions is the hype – some tracks are jazzier than others. The tone is upbeat, the melody synthetic, but human. A couple smooth tracks I’ve really enjoyed, none has made me feel like muting the game.

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STORY

The story is bullshit. Your faction are the good girls, the enemy factions are mean girls. They’re evil. No moral greyness, go kill some bitches! I’ve played the game for a few weeks, and save for a few dialog scenes, I’ve skimmed through it all. I’ve been reviewing Nutaku’s freemium browser games since 2016, and never have I encountered anything resembling a readworthy storyline. Just play for the gameplay.

VOICE ACTING AND SOUND EFFECTS (SFX)

The sound effects are slightly cartoonish but not out of place. The death sound of infantry reminds me of deflating air balloons. The hollow ratchet of machine gun fire sounds like they grabbed it from a freeware website. The tank shots and explosions have more bass, thankfully. After a recent update, the explosion sounds have been updated to sound bites from Baghdad, Iraq. I guess they wanted more realism, so players would have a harder time forgetting on their offtime the bloody depressing mess that’s the middle-east. The new explosion SFX is more hollow and distant than the previous iteration. Helicopters have maybe the loudest movement sound, that sure does fit them, but it’s so loud and choppy, it disrupts the music. Overall, the sounds are fine, but if AGN ever updates them again, I suggest keeping to cartoonish. War is a very offensive, let’s downplay its horrors for the little children.

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BUSINESS MODEL

You can buy crystals in the shop. The crystals will get you boosters, gacha rolls, game time, tickets into “faction war” events. If you want to spend a whole day playing this game, you pretty much have to buy crystals. The fatigue system is far more constricting in this game, than most of Nutaku’s freemium titles. Each mission costs 25 energy, and you only have 60 energy, which replenishes at the rate of 1 per 3 minutes. If you’re playing without jizzing money, you’ll have to take breaks during the day. That’s just healthy!

CONCLUDING WORDS

Girls on Tanks is one of Nutaku’s best games ever. After several patches that added PVP ladder seasons, daily quests, and extra loot chests, this game is more fun than ever. If you like turn-based strategy war games, you’re gonna love this one. I recommend girls on tanks, it’s my personal favorite, and delightfully full of hate crime.

Graphics

7/10

    Gameplay

    8/10

      Story

      4/10

        Music

        8/10

          SFX

          7/10

            Hentai

            4/10
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              https://i0.wp.com/hentaireviews.moe/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Screenshot-6398.png?fit=916%2C516https://i0.wp.com/hentaireviews.moe/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Screenshot-6398.png?resize=300%2C300OtakuApologistReviewsadult games network,advance wars,free to play,girls on tanks,nutaku,racism,super hippo games,turn-based strategyWritten by Otaku Apologist Girls on Tanks is a war strategy game, closely resembling Nintendo's Advance Wars franchise for Gameboy Advance. Made by AGN. Playable in your internet browser, it's one of the first browser game releases on Nutaku with actual engaging gampeplay, making my promotion of this shit less...Hentai Reviews
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