Written by Otaku Apologist
Cunt Wars, developed and published by Hooligapps. A free turn-based PVP card battle game. Available on Nutaku since June 2018. Partial voice acting. Uncensored genitals. For Android and PC Windows. Play on PC browser. Play on Android.
Welcome to the world of Cunt Wars, where epic heroes and mythological monster girls wage eternal war for top spots in online leaderboards. You play as Adam White, a redpilled white male on a crusade for pussy and power.
If you need gaming tips on this game, read How to Advance in Leagues in Cunt Wars.
STORY
You are a nobody from a broken family that dreams of riches and power. You’re so messed up from a life of poverty, you’re ready to kill, raep, and blaze your way to become emperor of the world. In the game of free to play hentai games, you win, or you die. The time for peace is behind us, now is the time for war.
GAMEPLAY
Each turn, you summon one minion. You choose minions to summon from four random cards in your hand. After playing a card, you draw a new one. Similar to Magic: The Gathering, your dudes attack the enemy summoner, unless there are monsters blocking their attack path. Every unit from one side attacks before you pass the turn. The summoner whose face gets smashed to zero health points first, loses.
The game board has random objects that help you gain an advantage. There’s rocks that block damage, totems that buff minions. There’s squares that buff damage and health. There’s all kinds of power-ups. Some of the most “imbalanced” objects are the simple rocks. If the player who gets the first turn tucks a high health ranged unit behind a rock, you need some major luck to win. When you gain more cards, you’ll be able to resolve these situations with ease.
In lower leagues, many matches are decided by baiting out the enemy’s cooldowns. If you’re the first to blow your summoner’s “Storm”, which deals damage to all enemy units, you’re probably gonna lose, because the second spell is “Summon Two Archers”. The first cooldown counters the second, so the player who blows his load first, will be eating arrows the rest of the game. But, the game has so much randomness, the tide can turn anytime.
After two months and $200 later, I accessed league rank 11. Compared with Magic, that was cheap. After another few months of practice and grinding for gold and cards, I reached league 9. After $2000, I reached league 1.
Winning battles grants you loot chests full of cards, gold, and other goodies. The chests respawn every few hours. When you gain duplicate cards, you can spend in-game gold to upgrade a minion’s stats. The higher levels of power require increasing numbers of duplicate cards. Yes, the game expects you to be so addicted at that point, that you’ll happily spend real-world currencies to shorten the grind to cross the next threshold of power.
Cunt Wars is somewhat pay-to-win. However, it’s so much fun, you don’t mind losing a few games while grinding out the humble beginnings. And, the daily deals offer such crazy value, you won’t mind throwing a fiver to snatch a 90% discounted booster pack and 20K gold.
The card types are Order, Nature, and Chaos. Order is a human faction of paladins, priests, and soldiers. Chaos minions include succubi, cultists, dark knights, and similar evils. Nature minions are toads, wood spirits, etc. Many cards and strategies are valid, because of the level-up mechanic. Even common cards can carry you to top leagues.
During mini-events, suddenly you’ll see some minions with more health, or damage. Other players receive the same bonuses, which mixes up the metagame. You can also use boost dust to temporarily buff cards.
GRAPHICS
The game’s art direction is lovely, with beautifully drawn hentai imagery to unlock, and super cute sprites for battles. The main menu is a tapestry of dark, gothic floating islands. There’s dark towers, gold mines, an epic skull cave, all floating on islands. The dark themes of the game are balanced by the brightly colored, super cute anime art. The minions are animated with the full range of modes: Idle, attack, victory dances and death falls.
The game boards look gorgeous, and they have plenty of variety. I’ve seen everything from pyramid halls to grim swamps, and icy lands. The variety of visuals keeps the experience engaging.
BUSINESS MODEL
Cunt Wars is free to play. You can buy things in the in-game store with the green gems. Items you can buy include instant resets to the cooldowns of the loot chests. You can buy boost dust with temporary effects to help access new leagues. You can buy card packs (5 cards each). You gain gems at a slow, steady pace from normal play. But it’s the events are when shit gets real: That’s when the incentives to buy something get so ridiculously good, you’re fighting the urge not to get something.
MUSIC
The Cunt Wars original soundtrack rocks several tracks and jingles, that spice up the experience. I found myself enjoying all the songs. They’ve very fantastical, with a different, refreshing vibe to each of them. Just for battles, there are multiple fluent tracks to enjoy. The menu music is more medieval in style, but still modern.
VOICE ACTING AND SOUND EFFECTS (SFX)
The game has partial voice-acting. The male main character has a couple voiced emotes, while the minions will giggle, roar, and generally make noise. The voices are as cartoony as the character art, meshing perfectly with the cheerful aesthetic. The acting and sound quality are fine.
HENTAI
Cunt Wars has decent hentai content, but the scenes are static images with text, no variants. I don’t mind, because I’m always playing mediocre pornographic visual novels with generic erotic writing. As you level up your cards, the images get increasingly more enticing, with the women removing their clothing piece by piece, and spreading their legs. The art in the PVP menu also gets wilder and wilder. It’s a nice reward to see your character’s dick serviced by his horde of needy minions. The women have plentiful breasts and asses that don’t get tiring to look at. Any time you get aggravated from losing too many PVP matches, you can rub one out.
CONCLUDING WORDS
Cunt Wars is the best eroge I’ve ever played. After years of grinding this game, I’m still enjoying it. Once you’re done with the pandering tutorial, and hit the PVP ladder, you’ll be hooked instantaneously. If you liked Magic: The Gathering, this is a fast-paced version of the same awesome concept. And it actually costs much less, believe it or not. There are no bloc rotations, no seasonal resets for what you’re allowed to play. Give this one a chance, it may just blow you away.
A world of hentai card games awaits. Play in your PC Browser. Click here for the Android version.
Overall
-
Graphics
-
Gameplay
-
Story
-
Music
-
SFX
-
Hentai
12 comments
I guess 200 dollers to you is not a lot but i think to the rest of the world to actually become relevant in the game , that sounds like a crap load of money. They game so called random fight generator is a joke, it will play you like the game says. a fool looking for a cunt. Start for one week with games that push you a little then all of a sudden pops on opponenets that are so over powered it’s not possible to have thier cards and be the level they are without having spent 1000’s of dollers. Then when you spend 20 bucks the game adapts and allows you do win for a period of time. This is the phsycological equivilant of a crack dealer giving you a freebie to start. Play the game for free, if you spend more than 20.00 a month go play a real game that costs 15 dollers a month like wow or almost any honest game. THIS GAME IS DESTRUCTIVE
200 bucks is a lot, but since I run my own operation I can afford expenses like this. It also helps that I’m promoting the games, it gives me credibility that I play them and spend on the occasional micro-transaction.
I stand by my word that it’s a fun game.
Also, it’s not like you have to buy in to play. You get tons of free cards all the time, while the match-making pits you up against players of your power level.
It is not a bad game, and in addition to what it’s already said:
*If you play this game on a browser in windows, you get to experience minor bug and game break glitch on a daily or weekly bases.
*I am in league 9, and I haven’t paid any money so far. The cards that cost money to acquire are fundamentally overpowered. Those cards are design to make you pay-to-win. And every player, bot and human, has those cards pass League 13. It’s not the funnest game, and it takes a lot of patience to overlook the cheapness of that aspect in the game.
*I haven’t paid any money so far because I don’t trust their payment method.
*Some female cards acting as bosses in the journey feature are voiced by male. Made to sound like transgender card, but I am sure it’s just a technical laziness.
*The music gets boring after the first few days, and I have been playing it for 12 months. Because I have no life @_@
*The guild competition in this game happens in the Turf War mini game. A game that is designed to unfairly punish guild that is winning to encourage the purchase of boost currency in the game. When I first found out about this, a small part of my nolive died.
*This game requires constant card game to advance, and players often play against bots instead of other players. Of course, the game doesn’t tell you whether the opposition is a bot or a player, and you need to be the judge of a tunning test to tell.
*The anime porn image is decent.
*The text based sex scene is very very lame.
*There is occasional story event that allows the player to undertake a journey to gather different sets of card. In order to apply through any of it when it is available, the player must pay-to-complete the story event. It is ridiculously impractical to complete without USD.
#offtoplayGTAMMO
Is your in-game handle also elflover? :O
I’ve often wondered about facing bots in PVP, I’m not opposed to it, but quite often I’m left wondering if the bots at times can just magically choose the exact card it needs for a situation. Like I’ll only need to take 4 health to win, they need to take 100, I’ve left 1 lane open, got about 5 cards on the board and then they bust out literally the only card in the game that would win it for them. Today I had filled my entire side of the board, was on track to annihilate the other side, they only had 1 card down, then out of no where they play the mushroom card that deals ridiculous amount of damage to surrounding cards every time a card dies. It chain reactions and I lose my entire board of cards in a turn.
You left something important out of your review. All matches are P v AI (not PvP). You never play against a real person, just an AI tweaked to make you think it is real people, and to get you to pay.
I’ve noticed odd behavior in some of my opponents, which corroborates your statement, ie. they don’t use their spells ever. But I’m quite certain that there’s real human players in the mix. What makes you say they’re all bots?
This would be a fun game really if the matchmaking would not put me up against overpowered bots. I share David’s experiences: the game allowed me to win for a while and then keeps stomping me with overpowered “accounts” what happened to be less powerful just a few days ago.
Nice graphics, fun playing mechanism. Crap extortion scheme.
How the hell are my opponents able to send multiple cards against me? I’ve only been able to send one card at a time…..am I missing something? It’s hard to win in PvP when I can only send 1 card, and my opponent is always sending 2 or 3 cards each time!
What are you even talking about? I’m guessing you’re meeting people who play cards that spawn additional minions?
That might be what I saying…not sure. All I know is I run across several opponents where multiple attackers appear on the board, but I can only play 1 card/attacker per turn. I just started playing the game a few days ago….