Review: Ultimate Boob Wars!! Big Boobs Versus Flat Chests

Written by Otaku Apologist

Ultimate Boob Wars was my first ever eroge. I reviewed this game back in 2015, when I was still a jobless virgin beta male. How quickly the tide turns! This game was developed by Soft-House Seal, and localized by Mangagamer in 2014. Available for Windows operating systems.

Two kingdoms are at perpetual war, the kingdom of PIequartz, and Serpettane. They are unable to annihilate one another, due to ineffective medieval weapons technology, and a rupture separating them. Armies of the two sides are always skirmishing, but not seriously launching an attack, for some reason. Also, cliché fantasy magic for 18-years.

Haruto is the chosen one. He is the Boob Jesus, the messiah of the legends, destined to deliver the land of Bustchest from an endless war. He loves boobs, like he loves life. He loves every size of boob-bearer, including barely legal flatties. His quest is to travel the lands, and fuck as many waifus as he can, to absorb maximum amounts of boob energy. A miracle is foretold to unfold, when his cock has connected with enough many women.

As you can guess from my paraphrased synopsis, this story is very light-hearted, full of shameless comedy. Even when you’re not laughing, you still feel like smiling. The atmosphere fits the colorful visuals perfectly. Although the delivery is anything but serious, the themes of discrimination, racism, world peace and the futility of war are still in it… amid the endless sex scenes.

Ultimate Boob Wars is a visual novel. The gameplay is limited to clicking the screen, like you’re turning pages on an ebook. You also choose which girls to fuck in what order, and whether to cum inside, or outside of them. There are multiple endings to unlock, some very bad, like Haruto getting captured and turned into an anal rape doll. The order in which you fuck the girls, will tip the war in one side’s favor. Begs the question, why can’t modern wars be settled with a fuckfest?

What I loved most about this game is that Softhouse-Seal delivers exactly what you expect from a title called “Boob Wars”: lots of variety in girls, and cup sizes. Each of the nine girls epitomizes a recognizable fetish while still exhibiting a personality. The voice actresses are great at their job too – they know how to handle a boy. They purr in your ear that sensual Japanese bitch-ass whining in a high-pitched feminine voice, like Satan was ramming his hoof in their asses. That’s why they provide a button to let you play their lines repeatedly! If you’re one to masturbate to sexy female voices, the developers got you covered.

Sometimes the story sequences between the creampying are funny, other times not even worth a read. Comedy is often used to supply an excuse to escalate the scene into a full-blown sex sequence. Like, any scene prior to the sex is usually padded bullshit, like the group visiting a marketplace to buy apples that look like boobs. Or like, when a group of brigands were kidnapping girls with medium-sized breasts, a fight scene erupted, with barely any visuals. And then the other girls left, and somebody got fucked in the pussy. The longer these shitty interludes, the more bored, and annoyed you feel.

My favorite character was Milpha. She’s a priestess for the Big Boob God. She has never had sex, because she’s like a nun, though doesn’t seem to be sworn to celibacy. Yes, despite a massive rack, and nipples like rockets, on a perfectly carved hourglass body, not a single dick has plowed her cunt. Her personality is that of a mentally ill, sickeningly insecure virgin shitter bitch. So, when Milpha consents to sex, it’s fucking hot, because you feel that primal masculine urge to mess her pussy up, and have your sperm monopolize the womb on that bitch.

The girls are very, very varied. Members of the flat chest tribe are generally submissive, while the big boob tribeswomen act more dominant. My personal favorite is Nico, the boobacous wolf girl that belongs to neither tribe. She appears very innocent, but looks are deceiving, because oh-my-god does she crave the cock a lot. All the girls are virgins with their own little complexes and it’s satisfying to unlock their hidden lewd sides. All it takes is a few clicks to keep the slides rolling! If only real cold approach pickup was this easy. Just slap the bitches in the face with your mouse-hand, rip their panties off, and fuck them in their slobbering cunts.

You even fuck the princesses of the two kingdoms. How cool is that?

There’s several musical tracks, though not that many. There’s an upbeat tune for battle scenes, and a jazzy rape song for sex scenes. Even after years since I played this game, I can still remember the sex music. It’s really sly shit, and doesn’t get boring no matter how much you listen to it while fapping. The peaceful tune in less intense story sequences, is really cute too. That kind of lazy song works perfectly to calm the mood.

The best part of Ultimate Boob Wars is the art. Moreover, multiple scenes are animated: When the tension of the scene is at its peak, the still images begin moving in a smooth little loop. Not many visual novels have animation. It makes a huge difference to the masturbation experience: As you’re edging and edging, getting ready to bust your nut, listening to the voice actresses slurping their lines, you want to withhold climaxing in anticipation for the animation. The scenes are seemingly designed to last rather long, and “surviving” until the animated sequence, let alone the creampie, is an actual fucking challenge.

CONCLUDING WORDS

If you’re a person of many fetishes, or interested in exploration, I recommend Ultimate Boob Wars to you. It’s well-executed pornographic art with some great talent behind it. Go pick up your digital copy at Mangagamer. Your genitals will thank me.