Stop Trying To Heal Toxic People
When I was younger, I had the worst relationships.
I was always drawn to dark, moody people. My closest friends were victims of bullying, of neglectful parenting, and tragic circumstances. I felt kinship to them, a deep sense of commonality with their loneliness. Needless to say, all those relationships ended in pain.
In my adult age, I still occasionally find myself in terrible relationships, before snapping out of it. The same naivete from my teenage years, drives my choices: I can fix them, I can help them, I know what they’re going through. When they heal, they’ll be the most beautiful flowers in bloom!
Smart people cut off toxic influences from their lives. They cut contact, get restraining orders, they get a gun. But because you’re human, you have empathy, you’re going to make the not-smart decisions on special occasion. You will find that beautiful broken person with a deep life experience. In your arrogance, you will seek a deep connection with this person, a bond of trust so loving, it will erase their scars, and rewrite their memories.
You will be bleeding your life energy into a black hole of death. Your well-meaning social project will drain your time, your finances, it will ruin your happiness. Your beloved broken angel will show improvement, only to retract back into their demonic ways. Their progress will be deathly slow, and cyclical. You’ll spend a year on this guy – they get a bit better. You’ll spend another year. And another. During those years, they will relapse several times back into self-destruction. If they’re drug addicts, they’ll be jacking it, going to rehab, jacking it, getting hospitalized, read the Quran, commit a suicide bombing in your super market.
Is there light at the end of the tunnel? With a growing list of sacrifices made, there must be a great reward for your charity! Karma will reward you, God will reward you. Your fallen angel will love you forever, for saving their life!
Life is not a movie. There is no three-act structure, there is no three-times rewritten plot with a cathartic ending. Life goes on, until it ends. Your lifetime is short, and every moment you spend in this useless relationship, you’re not meeting new people, who would be ten times more compatible with you. You’re investing your time into a risky business, going emotionally bankrupt on your gamble.
A single bad relationship will hurt your every other relationship. You will tire your friends with your daily rants about the same asshole who’s giving you shit. You will shout at your co-workers, you’ll kick your cat, you’ll eat unhealthy. The poison you’re sucking from the wounds of that bitch will spread into your environment, and make quality people not want you around. The only people who are attracted to toxicity, are other toxic people.
Your only friends will be depressed, suicidal losers if you’re not careful.
Cutting people off feels cruel. If you haven’t been traumatized yet by terrible relationships, you physically will not be able to cut contact. So go through that experience, try heal that son of a bitch, and let them damage you some. With the next asshole, you won’t have issue pulling the trigger.
Ultra toxic people are a chapter of their own – the above advice does not apply to them. These bastards will erase anybody that even slightly annoys them, or criticizes them. Because ultra toxic people are completely incapable of taking feedback, they never improve, they never fix their problems, which keeps them locked in cycles of traumatizing relationships.
Ultra toxic people are canisters of venomous chemicals filled to the brim. They spill their poison on to everybody around them, turning them into mirrors of their own darkness. Exposure to these cancerous whores, will turn you into everything they hate over time. Monstrously sensitive, raging from their lifetime of failures, when they detect even a hint that you’ve become slightly toxic in their presence, they will immediately delete you.
The saddest thing is, ultra toxic people are beyond help. They have no self-awareness. They have such self-hate and low self-esteem from their lifetime of failures, that they develop sickening mental gymnastics, to absolve themselves of responsibility. If you’re ultra toxic, you cannot self-identify your condition. On the off chance that you break your cycle, the exact opposite advice will apply to you: Stop cutting people off. Listen to them.