Free Hentai Puzzle Game Review: Honey Crush

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Written by Otaku Apologist

Honey Crush is a free hentai match-3 puzzle game. Release on November 2018. Play for free in your PC internet browser, or Android smartphone. No voice acting. Uncensored genitals.

Nutaku’s library has been missing a generic match three puzzle game ever since Phantasma: Wand and Wood was taken down from the site. With the launch of Honey Crush, that hole has been filled again. This game is a challenging mildly erotic brain puzzler that will force you to improve your cognitive abilities. Let’s talk more about it…

STORY

You are the average male with a penchant for big walking boobs. While discussing the magic of sex with an out-of-control party girl, you get sucked through a portal into a politically correct version of Saudi Arabia. On this world, a man named Manfred is monopolizing all the hot girls into his harem. You start building your own counter harem to destroy him. Your harem comprises only of the hottest, sluttiest bitches. You’re so uncucked, you don’t respect diversity and inclusion. You set out to steal Manfred’s hoes to yourself.

The dialog of this story is riddled with swear words and autistic dirty talk, like these people played too much Pussy Saga, and took that shit as their standard for appealing to red-pilled working-class kids with access to mommy’s credit card. But the problem is that you’re probably above average intelligence and middle-class, and never went through the grindhouse of a dysfunctional government public school, so your shit comes off as fake. You don’t know the struggle, you don’t have the nerd swagger.

GRAPHICS

A lot of artwork in the game looks very ordinary. I mostly liked the menus and maps, the overall interface visuals. But the character artwork is where the game has issues. The girls are just really basic fuckdolls. Their clothing is a little skimpy, and sometimes they run around topless in story segments. The game’s aesthetics lack any semblance of edginess, and this shows most prevalently in the character design. If you want edgy, memorable, strong female characters that people can relate to, and masturbate to, you need to not be afraid of offensive stereotypes. Stereotypes and archetypes are often very accurate descriptions of how people really are, despite being grossly generalizing. If nothing else, they reflect people’s common experience.

Again, I don’t know who you guys are commissioning for the artwork, but philippinese artists generally work for 50 bucks a pop, some for even less. Hunt for the right guys and you’ll get better art for the best price.

I enjoyed the game boards for their color scheme. The tokens are bubbly, and destroying them is satisfying. The detonation animation is a joy to behold no matter how many times you see it.

The background art during gameplay is space, the final frontier.

GAMEPLAY

Match three or more tokens of the same color, to destroy those tokens and score points. You gain gold and loot from beating levels. Levels have different victory conditions, and unorthodox layouts that keep things fresh. You have to destroy a number of tiles of certain color to win, sometimes you have to drop specified “ingredients” (ie. red and green potions) to the lowest end of the screen, or break specific squares by matching tokens inside those squares. You have a limited number of turns to solve the puzzle.

The more complicated puzzles almost require that you use power-ups. The game offers four different power-ups. One of them lets you destroy any token on the map. Another power lets you take an extra turn.

You have to match the tokens in lines, or squares. When four tokens form a square, that also counts as a successful match. There’s also special rules, like certain tokens can be paired together, and they are destroyed. The game will provide you hints that this match is possible, as the rules for what constitutes a match differs greatly from cookie-cutter iterations of this type of game.

Upgrade your “skills” to score more points from destroying tokens. The skills are charisma, beauty, sexuality, etc. like it’s a dating sim. Unlike in games like Pussy Saga where beating levels requires a good score, you are not blocked from progressing if your skills are low. Upgrades cost gold which you earn from beating levels. The first skill level-ups are cheap, only 3000 gold each. Beating a level earns 500 gold on average.

The game has a stamina system. You have stock for 6 energy, and missions cost 1 energy each. The rate of recovery is about 5 minutes for 1 energy. You can instantly re-up by spending red gems.

The puzzles are fun if you’re looking for a challenge, less fun if you’re looking for that casual afternoon gaming session to blow off steam. Even replaying old puzzles poses a challenge due to a lack of mechanics that would make them easier over time. You have to solve the same problem but with a different board of tokens every time, which leaves room for randomness to ass-rape you.

SOUND EFFECTS AND VOICE ACTING (SFX)

Honey Crush has partial voice acting. The male announcer says shit like “bootilicious” and “orgasmic” on a low baritone voice when you score a ton of combos on the same turn.

The tokens give out flabby noises when you move them, and a discreet jingle when you destroy them. When you eliminate tons of tokens simultaneously, the explosions are like music in your ears.

MUSIC

The limited soundtrack has enough songs to be counted on one hand. The few songs included are simple and safe, like elevator music. I don’t know who the developer commissioned for the music, but last I checked, I can get songs composed for about 15 bucks per audio minute from musicians on Lemmasoft. There’s no excuse to have so few songs on your soundtrack, it’s bad project management.

The song that plays in the map screen is a relaxed, synthetic beat which you can turn off in the game’s settings. It’s such a safe and non-triggering song, you feel offended at the soulless pandering. It loops very quickly too, and gets very repetitive on the first listen alone. Obviously you’re never supposed to spend more than a minute at the map screen, but Jesus fucking Christ, have mercy.

The song that plays in the puzzle game sequences is a similarly cute, non-triggering synth song with an upbeat beat, that makes you want to punch a wall. The melody doesn’t flow or take any shape that would be memorable. It’s difficult to grasp what you’re listening to and get any feelings out of it, adding to the painfulness.

BUSINESS MODEL

Honey Crush is free to play. You get a free loot chest every 8 hours, and a free gift for logging in every day. You can purchase gold and red gems, which you can spend on extra game time, and power-ups. Special offers include sexy alternate outfits for the girls. You can get sweet goods for only a few bucks, like the starter pack which is only 3 dollars. If you enjoy the game, you’re advised to support the developer here and there to offset the maintenance costs and ongoing development costs of the game.

HENTAI

I’ve been disappointed with the hentai content in this game so far. There are good things, like the sexy clothing on the girls that reveals plenty of flesh. One of the girls doesn’t wear a bra under her top. Her nipples are on full display all the time. But the unlockable CGs and story bits that follow are not high quality enough for my tastes. Some of the girls’ sprites aren’t very attractive either.

All the girls look okay if this was a run-of-the-mill manga from your local fantasy store. The coloring and linework are just uninspired, and it feels like every girl after the first babe gets progressively more unattractive. The red-haired Mia is the ugliest shit-tier bitch I’ve seen in any hentai game in a long time. I sincerely believe these artists need to be fired from their jobs.

I cannot fathom why all the girls are the average “girl next door” type. While an average girl can be attractive, hentai is about fantasy. It’s the high-status females that make guys bust the juiciest nuts. Princesses, warriors, super models, religious girls with their virtue intact trigger the male sexual desire. This developer doesn’t seem to understand that social status is the most important sexual trigger for men and women both. You can also do the “fuck the system” rocker type girls who reject the social hierarchy, but they are still high-status when you portray them as healthy and attractive, as if they’re too good to be mainstream.

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CONCLUDING WORDS

Honey Crush is a fine adult game to add into your daily rotation, if you enjoy match three gameplay. The aesthetics from the art to the audio are so non-threatening, even liberals will have a good time with this one. The partially animated sprites are cute, and the stump soundtrack is pure ass. With just a little bit more sex appeal, this game would be awesome sauce.

You can find Honey Crush on Nutaku’s browser games section. Start playing free hentai browser games.