Written by Otaku Apologist
Last weekend, I checked my privilege. Hooligapps, the developer of Cunt Wars, has been consistent about launching new events every week that introduce new overpowered legendaries into the metagame. These events are spending sprees of epic proportions for whites and Asians with too much disposable income. The events always bust out new art featuring the hottest hentai girls, updated memes, balance updates, all kinds of fun.
If you still haven’t read my review of Cunt Wars, you’ve lost my respect. Read now and masturbate.
I was already sworn to stop spending on this game, until I saw the event list of legendaries and epics. Void Juggler, my favorite chaos card, was on that list. It was my one shot, one opportunity to level up the most powerful epic in the entire game as high as she goes. She didn’t cum cheap, but with enough pounding of the event gacha, she came hard.
It’s a different kind of bottom-feeding strategy for a company to target lonely white and Asian men with lots of money. Most porn companies focus on garnering a userbase of lower middle-class male users, whose collective despair for sexual access seeps into their purchasing behavior. But you don’t have to make shitty games for shitty people to make money, because most of society’s money rests in the hands of the upper social classes. The really high-up porn companies service the autistic lawyers and Aspergers masturbators whose genius inadvertently lowers their sexual encounter rate.
Rocking my unchecked white privilege, I ranked up to league 3. A great portion of this increase in rank was attributable to my investment. The other portion was strategy. Learn how to advance in Leagues in Cunt Wars.
The new cards that were introduced into the game in this event were Akasha, Neyda, and Mr. Flap. Despite spending €200 into gems and sparkles, I was only able to draw Mr. Flap. I also got my Void Juggler to level 16, which actually makes her better than Neyda for fast-paced rush games, which happens to be my style.
I was actually very lucky this event and could have quit while I was ahead. I rolled Mr. Flap during my first three gacha rolls. But I only got enough cards to level him up to level 9. So disappeared my money.
The new legendaries may seem completely overpowered as shit, but not really. It’s only because you’re getting a level 8-12 legendary with your roll that the ‘might’ of the card goes way up. High level rares and commons in this game can be way more powerful than low level legendaries. It’s like the gender paygap debate. If you fudge all the numbers and commit a little academic fraud, suddenly reality becomes whatever you feel like.
If you want to buy shit in this game, here’s my advice: Buy lots at once. Draw a monthly budget, and spend your three months’ fun budget at once. The difference between buying €50 and €100 of gems is 1000 extra gems. That’s 10 premium summons, because after your third summon you get a 30% discount.
Cunt Wars continues to be the best hentai game I’ve ever played. After a recent patch, the game also stopped crashing to a sodding memory leak every five minutes. Here’s my level 16 Void Juggler.
Get busy, get pussy, and win at life. Start playing Cunt Wars for “free”.
