Annoying Hentai Game Review: Analistica Academy

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Written by Otaku Apologist

Analistica Academy, a hentai visual novel developed by Epicworks, published by Top Hat Studios. Download at Nutaku for $7.99. Released on the 2nd of February 2018. No voice acting. Uncensored genitals.

After seeing the press release for Analistica Academy, I had relatively high expectations for the final product. A western game that looks like this, I would expect to be the handiwork of a competent developer. Having dabbled in visual novel development myself, I know that the workload to deliver projects to the finish line, is more than most people can handle. Natural selection is real in business.

This game can suck my white middle-class dick.

STORY

The convoluted story of Analistica academy goes something like this: A mad scientist created a virus that makes men into ubermench. His virus was accidentally released, and it killed 99.99% of the world’s male population – the globalist agenda, in a nutshell. The dudes that survived the virus, were transformed into super alpha males.

I skipped through most of the dialog. I had plans to give the game a fair chance, until the narration started attempting the most retarded world-building I’ve seen since my teenage years of writing crap fantasy.

The premise, explained on Nutaku’s sales page, says the following: Join Hora as he sets out to conquer the hearts (and other orifices) of the girls of “Analistica Academy” in this raunchy, comedy visual novel – and discover the dark secrets that this seemingly perfect world holds!

Hora is an unapologetic asshole with a superiority complex. He rapes girls, and nobody bats an eye. The first sex scene has Hora rape a girl in the bathroom, in the middle of her piss. She fucks the girls anally only – I accessed not a single vaginal scene. All the women in the story let his dick inside their anal cavity at some point, some more than once – even the ones he raped. A character this terrible would only work in a wacky comedy full of self-irony. Instead, the story treats Hora like some kind of demigod beyond good and evil. I recently watched Vin Diesel’s Chronicles of Riddick for a second time, and that’s just about the character they were shooting for.

I don’t want to talk more about this story. Nothing made sense to me, nothing was interesting enough to make me wanna draw the dots, and discover the “mysteries”. There was plenty of exposition for some really weird science, like remote-controlled human beings, but seems like I failed to complete that storyline. My playthrough ended in a weird fist fight with some dude I had never seen before.

GRAPHICS

The sprites and CGs of Analistica Academy, are close to industry standard. I really liked the coloring work. The schoolgirl clothes were pretty sexy, with the black leggins and short skirts. They helped with the immersion, making me feel like it’s an actual school. Some of the alternate facial expressions on the girls, were absolutely terrible however. And the women’s bodies were stiff like planks of wood. Their necks looked paralyzed into a single position. The backgrounds were cheaply done 3D art, that clashed with the rest of the art. Some backgrounds looked nice, like Miss Machia’s Japanese-style garden.

The hottest girl was the blonde girl, Clarisse. She had plenty of personality, and a “fuck your bullshit” attitude. A woman that challenges you, is always hot. The least attractive girl was Tony – for some reason her face didn’t have any lines indicating cheek bones.

MUSIC

The sound quality is good, and the melodies catchy enough. But I wouldn’t pop on this soundtrack outside of playing the game. Even the music they play in the game’s trailer, probably the best track, didn’t hit it for me. And, you have to remember, the songs that play the bulk of the time, are slow shit for dialog scenes. In every eroge, these casual songs tend to be terrible, and in Analistica Academy’s case, absolutely horrendous. The song that plays during sex scenes, is decent even without context. The melody is dreamy, slow, it feels like night-time star-gazing music. It’s a good contrast for the erratic poppy bullshit that plays during dialog. The sex music didn’t make me horny, and considering what an emotionless prideful fuckwit the main character is, raping girls like whatever, it’s not a good fit for the overall tone of the game.

AUDIO AND VOICE ACTING (SFX)

The game has no voice acting. There’s also nothing like pussy fingering sounds, or the sound of hips pounding on a fleshy butt. I only heard a few sound effects, like hits, and strikes.

GAMEPLAY

Analistica Academy is a visual novel. Click the screen to “turn the page”. Sometimes you get multiple choice questions that take the story in different directions. Go back on your choices by saving your game progress in several save slots. Click “auto”, to set the game to “turn pages” automatically.

HENTAI

The hentai scenes I unlocked featured tittyfucks and anal. Most scenes were anal, like the title insinuates. They were a decent length to read, with plenty of rapey dialog. Grammar mistakes were few, which is seriously surprising. It means that the developer hired a competent editor to edit. The transitions between CGs were not smooth: Suddenly the dick is inside the pussy, suddenly it cums. Any kind of effects that would smooth out transitions, were absent.

I was not impressed with the hentai content.

CONCLUDING WORDS

Analistica Academy is insane. I smell teenage beta male faggotry all over this title. As the game’s premise is that 99% of the world’s male population was wiped, the writer eliminated all the male competition from the world. The main character is described as an alpha male, forgetting that the entire concept of the “alpha male” is a man who wins over his competition in a free market. Because of fierce competition over resources, like the scarce supply of high-status females, every serious man must work hard to improve themselves, to access the pussy. A man that oozes confidence, competence, and power, is attractive to women, for the obvious reason that such a man makes for a good father to her children. The developer completely missed this fact.

Instead of a crazy story full of transhumanism, weird science, and confusing world-building, the developer could have made a simple game set in a generic school that everyone can relate to. The writer should have written a story full of opportunities that everyone in their teens had with girls, that they were too inexperienced to exploit.

Another worthless western visual novel release, Analistica Academy features an ass-blasted bullshit story packed to the brim with mediocre anal sex scenes with anime schoolgirls. Waste your money now.