Lollipops – Anarcho-Capitalist Trick To Weight Loss
Written by Otaku Apologist
Living in a socially disconnected socialist neighborhood, you’re no doubt medicating crushing feelings of hopelessness with porn, candy, and videogames. But eating a bag of candy every time you feel unloved and suicidal, you’ll soon have another name on your list of people to kill to end your unhappiness: Your name.
The less happy you are with yourself, the more you’ll eat. You’ll get fatter and less happy, and eat even more shit. The scientific term for this spiral of self-destruction is called a “shit circle”.
Millions of people get stuck in shit circles. Murders and suicides in your hood skyrocket as people recognize that their lives are fucked. They say “fuck the system” and put a bullet through their brain. It’s understandable. Having your flesh and morality rot in your lifeless concrete purgatory, race gangs warring for control over the streets, your underfunded government education system as your only means of “climbing the ladder”, you feel like strapping on a bomb vest and going “allahu ackbar”. You need hits of pleasure to remind yourself of how it will feel when you finally escape the hood. This is my trick: Lollipops.
This video explains sugar’s effect on the brain.
When eating soft candies, you’re easily eating fistfuls. But the sweets take time to reach your stomach, so the signal to your brain is delayed. You end up eating too much candy, and then you feel sick.
Hard candies are a different story. You’re sucking the same treat for several minutes. Your brain has ample time to measure your sugar intake. You end up eating less sugar, quenching your craving.
Why are people eating too much sugar? Because food companies have developed recipes that cheat your metabolism. One of the tricks that corporations use is balancing the sugar and fat in their products, so it won’t trigger a feeling of fullness (source1, source2, source3). Additionally, food companies these days inject sugar into everything from bread to cereals to ketchup, addicting customers to their products (source1, source2, source3). Like all poisons, sugar makes your body develop a resistance. Eating sugar all your life, you have a resistance, and the accompanying craving for greater doses of sugar (you watched the video, right?).
The good news is that you have full control over this. You’re able to read my writing, ergo, you can read the labels on the packets of food you put in your shopping cart. A sugar addiction is nothing like heroine addiction; it wears off fast. By temporarily lessening sugar, glucose syrup, and glucose-fructose syrup in your diet, you can soon eat less sugar to feel good.
Fight the power! Replace candy bags with lollies. Amen.