Casual sex is easier to access than ever. But what’s harder is having a romantic relationship last longer than 5-10 years. Unfortunately, in order to nurture a family, you need a relationship to last 20+ years minimum. That’s where the broken parts about modern living become so painfully obvious, even the most brainwashed naysayers must admit the truth.
We continue our series “Why Modern Times are Dividing Us”, we explore why our societies are broken. It’s also an open conversation, so feel free to contribute contrarian opinions and personal experiences in the comments.
In the first part we discussed the role of science and media and social adoption of new research. In the second part, we discussed how a cultural shift is leading to failed relationships. In the fourth part, we discuss the role of government. Today we discuss the juggling of duties. I also strongly recommend you read about the extra challenges posed by long-term trends in the macro economy.
The core problem is complexity. Any new branch added into your life grows additional branches. You don’t just get what you ordered, but several side dishes. Each new person adds a number of related additional hurdles.
Intimate relationships are complicated, as you’re dealing with deep personal experiences, which cause differences in how you and your significant other experience language. It takes additional attention to keep respecting each others’ sensibilities. You can reduce much of this by choosing a partner who is very similar to you, close to your age.
Only problem with finding someone similar to you is that there is no common social standard that everyone aims for. “Diversity is our strength”. Western cultures are ultra-individualistic liberal democracies, so you’re expected to respect everyone’s uniqueness without judgement. This fragments the pool of people you are compatible with. The fragmentation of society into miniscule cultural cliques that struggle to understand each other adds another hoop to jump through.
But If you have the patience, the resilience and the money to go to series of dates, you’ll find a match. However…
Traditional gender roles are gone. These days, you can offend a modern woman by suggesting she should act, dress and speak more like a woman. Suggesting she even is a woman can be misgendering. Many caveats there, but the lack of rigid roles can be exciting too. You can find interesting, highly developed personalities at school, at a workplace, online, and by striking an engaging conversation, get your dick sucked to the root. Modern women can have so much exciting shit going on, you can never get tired of them. But a busy bitch is a busy bitch, she’s got associations.
Another problem is, the genetic diversity of men is much vaster than women’s. While women are certainly highly diverse, they tend to be more well-rounded and average. Statistics support this. The genetic variability of men is sexually incentivized. We become more desirable when we have status, and we gain status by excelling at our work. Society rewards specialization.
But as a result, you’re a package deal to her. Because you’re somewhere on the autism spectrum.
So, you’re also dealing with this hurdle. You’re a horrendously complicated deviant mutation with so many layers and sides that nobody understands you, including yourself. But, with enough feedback from your partner and your peers, perhaps some therapy, you’ll smoothen your edges over time. You’ll even start exhibiting this aura of a well-adjusted person.
Now, are you keeping track? You already have four challenges to actively manage. Here comes the fifth.
In technologically advanced economies, automation is replacing entry-level jobs, there are thus fewer job opportunities where you can switch off your brain. Work that doesn’t require constant creative decision-making, dealing with other human beings, or the incorporation of softwares and gadgets to your workflow, won’t pay enough. So your job will be something mentally exhausting, if you want to earn enough to be above the median average of men.
Despite the many challenges that work imposes, you’ll be competent by your 30s and 40s. Work-related complexity will be routine. Or perhaps you accepted a lower-paying job and filled your life with hobbies.
Yes, you’re now over 30, because it took this long to sort out your identity, your career, your mental health, to learn how the opposite sex functions, you’re managing male-to-female interactions expertly despite non-traditional gender roles. Now, all the girls you could physically start a family with are 10 years younger than you.
That’s right. There’s an age difference dynamic to add into the mix. Your 20+ girlfriend is still going through phases of personal development that you already went past. She could still have the mind of a teenager.
Oh, did you remember to do your taxes, honey? Yeah, did you check up on the latest changes, since we have a new government with a different philosophy than the last? Could we calculate our running expenses in relation to our combined income adjusted to inflation, so we don’t go over budget? Oh, you can’t? Okay, let’s have an accountant, oh, we should have a meeting with her actually, explain our situation in person and provide all the essential information, so she can run the math.
So, how about retirement? What assets do you invest into that actually grow to counteract inflation in a market that throws a backflip every few months, upending all evaluations? Just another hurdle for you, buddy, but you’re on a roll! You’ll figure out your financial plans by consulting venerable experts whose knowledge of the future never included the rapid rise of AI, an energy crisis, COVID, a war, political upheavals around the world and the unraveling of supply chains.
Notice how you’re already juggling all this, and you don’t even have kids yet?
And how about your exercise schedule? Remembering to go to the gym? When’s the last time you had some nice cardio to offset all the sitting at your desktop at the office? You know, to help your chronic back pain that you’re going to physical therapy for, which is close to becoming a permanent injury that forces you into early retirement?
Add a dog into this shit fest, and you’re soon chugging anti-depressants mixed with alcohol.
Alas, the societal context in which we’re supposed to have long-term romantic relationships, which add additional layers of complexity to your already complex life, is rather crushing. If you drop any balls in any areas of life, all of which require attention and high energy levels and mental resilience, the big picture can very quickly begin to unravel. Because every branch is connected to other branches. If one shrivels up, other branches shrivel up too.
And it is unavoidable that you will drop balls. Because no human being can manage all of this perfectly.
