Written by Otaku Apologist

I am a failed writer. People told me years ago that I wasn’t gonna make it. And they were right. I was terribly unproductive, because writing is boring, I always watched porn on the side. At some point, I decided to abandon book writing and started blogging.

My first porn blogs were social media based. My Tumblr was nuked about five times before I started my websites. My first business partnerships were abusive toxic relationships. My business negotiations were like a virgin’s first time putting it in. For many, many, long and embarrassing years, my hentai hustle was Game of Thrones on steroids.

Now, I find myself in the strangest position where my life of tragedy and absolute failure has somehow transformed into a throne of skulls upon which every wanker comes to kneel on, like it’s a seasonal pilgrimage. Since there’s so much demand for my words, let me share with you lost souls deviant insights into how to squeeze some fun out of the choking misery of the mortal coil. Your first business is going to fail, and it’s going to fail spectacularly. You will be overwhelmed by the sheer number of factors stacked against you.

Society is a clusterfuck. A single thing you say or do can permanently destroy your life. Like offending a black person in a Twitter message and getting blacklisted from every corporation in the west. Suddenly, your girlfriend is pregnant. Suddenly, your company is bankrupt. Just because you made that one mistake too many on your broken path of endless tragedies, you now have everything you ever wanted.

Your parents are wise people. Mine told me to switch careers until the day I filed my taxes. They’re just trying to protect you, and they will fail. Life happens to all of us, whether we like it or not. Every advice you can expect from your family is conventional wisdom, to avoid risks and never explore, because they explored and they got burned. Don’t try this at home, kids. Move out and get a job.

You friends are good people, I’m sure. They want to support you, by telling you to stop. Do something else than follow your passion, because hey! Numbers and statistics! Your friends are probably right, you are going to fail. So what?

We are natural explorers. We are inquisitive rascals who stick our dicks and tongues into things hot, soft, hard and cold. Stop pretending you’ve grown up, and get back to sticking your dick into unknown things. Innovate! Kiss the girl! Get arrested for harassment!

They key is to play high-stakes games with a buy-in you’re comfortable losing. Instead of jamming all your eggs into one basket and losing your night’s sleep fretting over the outcome, set aside a gambling fund. This money will be your sacrifice to the gods of chaos!

Azariah Kyras from Warhammer gets it. He made an epic speech in a game once. Listen to this fucking guy. He wants to burn down the fucking galaxy, just because he’s feeling it! I call that the entrepreneurial spirit.

New companies are rising and falling at a faster pace than in any period in human history. That sounds scary on surface level, but it’s not bad at all. It means that the economy is flexible, and human resources are constantly being allocated into areas where exciting shit is happening. If you want stability, start your own company. Run it to the ground, divorce your wife, and start your next company.

The reality of the job market is that the economy is developing quickly in our age of technological innovation. No educational facility is able to equip you with the tools to find your place in the marketplace. You will hustle, you will switch jobs, you will switch states, you need creative thinking, and flexible skillsets. You will have to educate yourself outside the system, thankfully there’s the internet.

I hate to tell you, but the public education system of every country is broken, always will be that way. Because the top monkeys at the top of the pyramid don’t want you to be creative. You have to educate yourself, if you want to survive. The economy is likely going to crash and burn a few times during our lifetime, so you better know your way around a gun, and how to hide your stash of toilet paper.

Here’s the silver lining. The more mistakes you make, the better your future decisions become, until eventually you can rely on traumatic memories alone, and routinely execute barely planned strategic decisions which somehow don’t even backfire.

Success is the accidental consequence of learning to make uninformed decisions with an acceptable margin of error by intuition. Logic plays a part, but not really. You’re a monkey who wants to fuck, kill and climb into trees. Embrace that fact.

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