Written by Otaku Apologist

Black Friday 2018 coincided with a new chaos event in Cunt Wars. I was mentally prepared to go all-out this event and finally snatch myself new overpowered legendary cards to bolster my deck.

My strategy was to unlock as many event bosses as possible on the first day of the 4-day event. These bosses yield buckets of “sparkles”, which is the currency you spend in the gacha lottery.

We reviewed this free hentai card game in Summer 2018. Read our Review of Cunt Wars. If you’re already playing the game, read my comprehensive guide on how to advance in leagues.

You can draw new epics and legendaries from the gacha, though as you can imagine, the bad odds of hitting “jackpot” necessitate multiple rolls. True enough, the event gacha was like a re-enactment of my life from the past two years. I had every shot at glory, and every time something fucked me.

There’s many ways to farm sparkles. Every roll costs 2500 sparkles, so you need to farm lots of them to afford enough rolls to beat the odds. I’m listing the sources of sparkles here for your convenience:

– PVP victory loot chests. Common chests yield 20 sparkles, bigger chests net 40 or more.

– PVE bosses. The event bosses yield hundreds of sparkles, and they respawn every day.

– Event quests. These quests yield thousands of sparkles, but often cost real money to complete.

– Gacha lottery. Your can net extra sparkles in the gacha.

Special note: Some event quests are bugged in a good way. From the loot chests rewarded for beating bosses in “The Pit” game mode, you can gain souls towards completion of quests, ie. “Collect 750 epic souls from PVP or Summon”. If you’re already farming the Pit bosses with ease, timing your kills can save you real money.

After playing this event with full commitment, I can honestly say the events are just a massive cash grab. Your gacha rolls are probably rigged, all the quests cost too many resources to complete, and you’ll still need to sit through hours of play.¬†However, if you do dedicate yourself for sparkle farming for a weekend, you will definitely get new powerful cards.

I had been stuck in league 9 for the past few months. However, one of the event quests was to boost my legendary cards with gold dust. My 24 hour boosts were still on while I was grinding the ladder. Midway to my session I noticed I was no longer falling from league 8. In fact, I was two games away from ranking up! I had 2000 gold dust banked from months of play, and doped my bitches to new heights of power. I started winning games I never dreamt of beating.

I swung my credit card to complete the quest “Collect 750 epic souls from PVP or Summon”. With my mega boosted bitches, I easily beat the next event boss, earning two full rolls at the gacha. From rolling the gacha so much, I was suddenly eligible to roll the free bonus chest! Wow, so¬† much incentive!

I was on a roll, baby! From the bonus chest, I looted over 9000 sparkles! I had some 12000 sparkles when I started rolling. Playing the gacha, I got rares, epics, all kinds of crap, but my final roll hit the jackpot! Regardus Diplius, the new legendary chaos zombie lord is now mine! I gained enough duplicates of the card to upgrade him all the way to level 12. After adjusting my deck, I hit the ladder. In only 20 games or less, I broke into league 7 like cutting through butter.

Bear witness to my total absolute victory at online card games. Bask in the glory of my white fucking privilege!

Fuck the hoes and chase the paper. Start playing Cunt Wars. Click here for Android version.